Karen S. Wiesner: Fiction Fundamentals: Writing Elbow Grease, Part 6 Conclusion

Writer's Craft Article

Fiction Fundamentals: Writing Elbow Grease, Part 6

Conclusion

by Karen S. Wiesner

Based on Cohesive Story Building, Volume 2: 3D Fiction Fundamentals Collection

In this three month, in-depth series, we went over what could be considered the grunge work in building a cohesive story. Revising, editing, and polishing require a little or a lot of writing elbow grease to finish the job and bring forth a strong and beautiful book.

In Part 5 of this series, we went over editing and polishing tricks and tips. Let's conclude this series with one last thing to consider. 

The revision layer of a story involves the finishing touches to make your story shine. With these elements, you'll create an extremely strong layer--something that will allow you to send your novel out with confidence to the people who can publish it. However, I do like to add one additional step to the revision process, and this is one I consider mandatory.

The final read-through

Following all the grueling revision we've been doing, many authors may feel ready to send the story out, either to a publisher who’s waiting to release it, or in a submission to find a publisher or agent for the book. A couple situations prompted me to add one last read-through of the story before I considered it done. I think even savvy, confident authors might want to complete this before submitting. We'll go over the whys and wherefores of doing this soon, but first, a couple of side-tracks here.

1. I strongly believe a final read-through needs to take place on a hard copy of the book--in whatever form, a printed version. Yes, I know we live in a digital world. Everything is done on the computer. But the very real and inescapable fact is that human eyes are fallible. They aren't capable of seeing everything on a computer (or something similar to this) screen and, frequently, what you see on the screen isn't necessarily what's in the hard copy--spacing, formatting, and other issues may crop up from one medium to the other. We need the hard copy to truly catch everything that demands our attention (like typos and "Track Changes" errors) in the final draft of a manuscript. Our eyes can only see some of these things on the printed version of the book. This is essential, and I guarantee if you're not getting this hard copy (from your own printer of the final proof after edits, directly from you publisher or from another means like the one I'll describe in a second), you're missing a tremendous amount of issues that readers are going to catch. Do yourself a favor. Get a hard copy to do your final read-through from.

2. Second, the current state of the industry--exploding with indie publishers and self-published authors--requires another stage in which to find the errors that seem to creep into our stories like lice. The fact is, there are very few legitimately professional editors and/or copyeditors working at publishing houses these days, especially at smaller publishers, and authors who are self-publishing their own works may even skip the professional-editor-input altogether. For that reason, it’s even more crucial to have a stage where the writer sees his book in this final form (and this is true even if the book is only released as an ebook without a paper component), where he can catch (probably not all but most) typos. While you can always print a copy from your own printer, I highly recommend utilizing a publishing service like Amazon, Lulu, or any other you like to set up an inexpensive hard copy of your book to serve as an advanced reading copy. In this form, you'll see your book in a state that's close to what readers will see it in after it's published (if a print edition will be made available). That's valuable. This is really just for your own use so try to find a cheap way to do this. You don't need cover art for this copy, but you're there so there's no reason not to, since you might want to access how that comes out as well. I'll also add that I don't recommend buying actually "proofreading" copies from most printers, like Amazon. Those copies can ruin the actual book so you can't see parts of it that you need to evaluate because the printer adds huge banners over portions of the wraparound around cover, covering up the text, etc. below. How ridiculous! I recommend purchasing a regular paperback copy of the book, just like readers will get if they buy it, that's not specifically for what these services deem proofreading copies.

3. If for no other reason, providing yourself with this final read-through is your very last chance before your editor sees it to make changes. You want her to find the finished product almost perfect, right? 

Back to the whys and wherefores of doing a final read-through of a book before it's considered done. During this final read through of the book, you shouldn't need to do much beyond exterminating typos and formatting errors, and doing that is a great case for adding this step to the process. But the final read-through serves another valuable benefit: It's a neat way of putting yourself in the position of being the first reader for the book. Naturally, this means you want to put as much time as you can afford into staying away from the book and not reading a word of it until you're ready to complete the final read-through (i.e., if you're sick to death of the story, you can't see it objectively). As much as possible, ignore the fact that you have a very personal affiliation with the book and simply read it--both in a critical and savoring mind-frame. Take your time reading to evaluate how the story goes over for you in this state. Do you love the story and your characters? Are you wrapped up totally in their worlds? How are you emotionally while you're reading it--removed and unsympathetic or invested wholly? Have you captured everything authentically? Or do you think you might need to do more work anywhere? Keep a tablet handy during this time so you write any notes you might need for fixing issues.

When I get to this stage in the process, I usually find very little is required and I may not add more than a thousand words during this time, which is still a nice, "gilding" layer. The story is brimming with life and there’s almost nothing left to stumble over or smooth out. Most importantly, though, in nearly every case I come out loving the story more than I ever have before. It exceeds the expectations I had for it when it was little more than the spark that incited me to write the story. Truthfully, I don't consider that conceit. I'd worry if I didn't have that reaction. If you don't love your own work, don't become immersed in the worlds and characters and conflicts contained in your stories, how can you expect readers to?

In the past few months, we've talked in-depth about the "grunge work" involved in completing a book. Each of the stages add a layer of your story--very strong layers that, for career authors, should be the necessary steps in ensuring multidimensional writing. Each time you add something new during these stages, you're creating another vital layer that makes the whole story stronger, richer, and more three-dimensional. Doing so also allows us to see another perspective of our story and can fuse in more and more details to forge three-dimensionality. Don't neglect the crucial elbow work involved in "decorating" your book since it's what makes your story not only a thing of beauty but a source of personal pride.

Happy writing!

Karen S. Wiesner is the author of Cohesive Story Building, Volume 2 of the 3D Fiction Fundamentals Collection

http://www.writers-exchange.com/3d-fiction-fundamentals-series/

https://karenwiesner.weebly.com/writing-reference-titles.html

Karen Wiesner is an award-winning, multi-genre author of over 150 titles and 16 series.

https://karenwiesner.weebly.com/

http://www.facebook.com/KarenWiesnerAuthor

Karen S. Wiesner: Fiction Fundamentals: Writing Elbow Grease, Part 5D General Revision Choices, concluded

Writer's Craft Article

Fiction Fundamentals: Writing Elbow Grease, Part 5D

General Revision Choices, concluded

by Karen S. Wiesner

Based on Cohesive Story Building, Volume 2: 3D Fiction Fundamentals Collection

In this three month, in-depth series, we're going to go over what could be considered the grunge work in building a cohesive story. Revising, editing, and polishing require a little or a lot of writing elbow grease to finish the job and bring forth a strong and beautiful book.

In the previous part of this series, we went over general revision choices. Let's finish that.

Tip Sheet: Effective Revision Choices

• Don't make me repeat myself--avoid careless repetition. Watch for repeated words. If you have a noun or verb in the first paragraph of a page, then that same word again at the end of the same page, it literally jumps out at the reader. The same can be true if you repeat a word for no other reason except that you couldn't think of a better, similar, more effective one. Look carefully at the first paragraph in the example below, rife with repetition that jumps out with its overuse, then notice the differences in the published version:

It was daylight. Mortal time of day, not his, and I felt the need to see what the men had done to his once beautiful home, to see if I could indeed walk the exorcized grounds or sleep in the wooden boxes defiled by holy hosts and holy water.

I searched the wall until I found a low wooden door hanging partway open, open enough that I could squeeze my body through.

On the opposite side, the once beautiful gardens were overgrown with weeds and scrubby bushes. The abbey church that had undoubtedly once been beautiful was overgrown with scrubby bushes and weeds that surrounded the vaulted stone frames empty of their holy glass.

What had happened to the holy order that had once lived here? Did their ghosts still walk these quiet grounds, broken, desolate souls among broken dreams?

Did the vampire's soul walk with their broken, desolate souls?

***

It was daylight. Mortal time, not his, and I felt the need to see what the men had done to his home, to see if I could indeed walk the exorcized grounds or sleep in the boxes defiled by hosts and holy water.

I searched the wall until I found a low wooden door hanging partway open, enough that I could squeeze my body through.

On the opposite side, the once beautiful gardens were overgrown with weeds and scrubby bushes. The abbey church that had undoubtedly once been beautiful was covered with dead ivy that surrounded the vaulted stone frames empty of their holy glass.

What had happened to the order that had once lived here? Did their ghosts still walk these quiet grounds, desolate souls among broken dreams?

Did the vampire's soul walk with theirs?

--Mina, by Marie Kiraly

Fixing this kind of problem is an editing and polishing job that really requires a lot of uninterrupted focus.

• Then again, all repetition isn't bad. Save repetition for places where it drives the impact deeper in, rather than annoying the reader or calling attention to your words:

Nothing was enough. Sitting still wasn't enough. Getting his hands on her wasn't enough. He wanted to devour her whole.

--Falling Star, by Karen Wiesner

• A thesaurus is not always a writer's best friend. Another thing I feel I must mention is that newer writers tend to overuse their thesaurus. While variety is good, you don't want to sound like you've been using a thesaurus. For instance, in this sentence, I've clearly used my thesaurus way too often:

The redolent perfume of gingerbread accosted her the moment she strode into her ignoble tenement.

 However, this type of "thesaurus talk" is perfectly acceptable if you use it as a character tag in dialogue. I remember a character in the TV series thirtysomething who spoke like a human thesaurus. He was one of the most intriguing people on the show. I can hear Miles Drentell quite distinctly saying:

"Ah! The redolent perfume of gingerbread accosted me the moment I strode into your ignoble tenement."

As with all guidelines, none of these suggestions are hard and fast rules. You'll know it's written the way it's meant to be when it won't be cut, replaced, or reworked in any other way. Only then will your editing and polishing be complete.

Next week, we'll conclude this series on the grunge work involved in completing a story.

Happy writing!

Karen S. Wiesner is the author of Cohesive Story Building, Volume 2 of the 3D Fiction Fundamentals Collection

http://www.writers-exchange.com/3d-fiction-fundamentals-series/

https://karenwiesner.weebly.com/writing-reference-titles.html

Karen Wiesner is an award-winning, multi-genre author of over 150 titles and 16 series.

https://karenwiesner.weebly.com/

http://www.facebook.com/KarenWiesnerAuthor

Karen S. Wiesner: Fiction Fundamentals: Writing Elbow Grease, Part 5D General Revision Choices, continued

Writer's Craft Article

Fiction Fundamentals: Writing Elbow Grease, Part 5D

General Revision Choices, continued

by Karen S. Wiesner

Based on Cohesive Story Building, Volume 2: 3D Fiction Fundamentals Collection

In this three month, in-depth series, we're going to go over what could be considered the grunge work in building a cohesive story. Revising, editing, and polishing require a little or a lot of writing elbow grease to finish the job and bring forth a strong and beautiful book.

In the previous part of this series, we went over general revision choices. Let's continue.

Tip Sheet: Effective Revision Choices

• As a general rule, avoid long sentences. While it's true that a dramatic scene should have longer sentences than an action scene, be careful not to have too many. Overuse of long sentences makes the style of writing clunkier than it needs to (and should) be. Take this example, for instance:

It was too terrible to close his eyes, and they burned with an internal pressure while his mouth was locked open in a scream that never came--at least he still recognized the shapes around him as hallucinations.

Now the panting confusion of this sentence might seem extreme, but I see sentences like this all the time as a contest judge and critic. Sentences can't be readily comprehended, let alone absorbed, in this form. Most readers can digest a single action or idea, perhaps two, in a single sentence. Any more than that, and they start to get confused and can't follow the action.

Think about each portion of a sentence as one action/idea that needs to be comprehended by the reader. For instance, one action/idea could be that the hero can't close his eyes. Next, he's realizing that he can at least still recognize the shapes as hallucinations. Then his mouth is locking open in a scream. You get the picture. Now let's look at this example as it was published in its more digestible, pleasing format in Thunderhead, by Douglas Preston and Lincoln Child:

It was too terrible. He could not close his eyes, and they burned with an internal pressure. His mouth was locked open in a scream that never came. At least he still recognized the shapes around him as hallucinations.

Imagine if every single sentence in your book was made up of three or four actions/ideas. It would read like you were plodding one mucky step after the other through a swamp.

Breaking up long sentences into two or more, as seen in the examples below, makes them much more immediate, and allows the reader to absorb what she's reading more easily.

Collet wheeled, his anger brimming as he thought, They lured us upstairs with the intercom! Searching the other side of the bar, he found a long line of horse stalls but no horses. Apparently the owner preferred a different kind of horsepower; the stalls had been converted into an impressive automotive parking facility, and the collection was astounding, including a black Ferrari, a pristine Rolls-Royce, an antique Astin Martin sports coupe, a vintage Porsche 356.

***

Collet wheeled, anger brimming. They lured us upstairs with the intercom! Searching the other side of the bar, he found a long line of horse stalls. No horses. Apparently the owner preferred a different kind of horsepower; the stalls had been converted into an impressive automotive parking facility. The collection was astounding--a black Ferrari, a pristine Rolls-Royce, an antique Astin Martin sports coupe, a vintage Porsche 356.

--The Da Vinci Code, by Dan Brown

In the revised version, we get rid of as, realized, and that, and the result has a smoother rhythm and more impact. You'll also notice that the revised version just reads smoother, more like the music flow we're striving for as composing writers. Break your sentences up so readers can readily digest them.

The editing and polishing stage is the perfect time to be on the lookout for those overly long sentences. If you have to take a highlighter to each one so you're focused on fixing this problem, know that the end result will be well worth your effort.

• Unassuming it. I'm guilty of assuming that everyone will understand what I mean when I use the word it. Most writers do have some guilt in this regard. This happens most often in a first draft, but during editing and polishing, pay special attention to this little word to make sure you're not assuming your reader will know what you mean with its use. The word it, especially when used near the beginning of a sentence, loses focus and therefore impact on the reader. Don't let it sit there, assuming a role that hasn't been defined, explained, or adequately described. Try to make it more specific in your sentences, for instance:

It had taken a heavy toll on him, but he didn't appreciate seeing proof in the mirror.

This sentence begs a myriad of questions. What took a heavy toll? A death, an accusation, a sledge hammer? Any one of these and a million more could work. Luckily, this author didn't allow an it to assume itself to the reader.

The past year had taken a heavy toll on him, but he didn't appreciate seeing proof in the mirror.

--The Da Vinci Code, by Dan Brown

Next week, we'll conclude the general revision choices.

Happy writing!

Karen S. Wiesner is the author of Cohesive Story Building, Volume 2 of the 3D Fiction Fundamentals Collection

http://www.writers-exchange.com/3d-fiction-fundamentals-series/

https://karenwiesner.weebly.com/writing-reference-titles.html

Karen Wiesner is an award-winning, multi-genre author of over 150 titles and 16 series.

https://karenwiesner.weebly.com/

http://www.facebook.com/KarenWiesnerAuthor

Karen S. Wiesner: Fiction Fundamentals: Writing Elbow Grease, Part 5D General Revision Choices, continued

Writer's Craft Article

Fiction Fundamentals: Writing Elbow Grease, Part 5D

General Revision Choices, continued

by Karen S. Wiesner

Based on Cohesive Story Building, Volume 2: 3D Fiction Fundamentals Collection

In this three month, in-depth series, we're going to go over what could be considered the grunge work in building a cohesive story. Revising, editing, and polishing require a little or a lot of writing elbow grease to finish the job and bring forth a strong and beautiful book.

In the previous part of this series, we went over general revision choices. Let's continue.

Tip Sheet: Effective Revision Choices

• Watch adverb usage. Go over your story with a highlighter, picking out all the adverbs that end with -ly. You can't and won't--and contrary to what most experts will tell you--you shouldn't get rid of all of them. Adverbs have their place, just as adjectives do, so don't go crazy on this point and turn out an adverb-free story as if you'll win an award just for managing this feat. That said, it is very true that adverb-overwhelmed narrative tends to bog a story down. There's usually a better (less boring) way of writing these words that so easily pepper a first draft, such as in this example:

Guilt ran thickly through Jacquelyn's blood.

***

Jacquelyn's blood ran thick with guilt.

--A Time to Mend, by Angela Hunt

A lot is conveyed in the second version that wasn’t in the first, so the change involved more than simply cleaning up an adverb. In the second version (the published one), the delivery of the sentence itself is action-packed and to the point. You can almost feel shame, a violent and dirty emotion, polluting the character's veins. You want images like this to come through as you’re editing and polishing, so watch for opportunities to refine them.

• Avoid overused words. Was/wasn't, were/weren't, did/didn't, have/haven't, is/isn't, are/aren't, to be/been are some the most common culprits. Using a different color highlighter or your computer search function, highlight these words to see how often you're using them, then try to find viable substitutes for them. When I critique someone else's work or judge a contest entry, I usually find hundreds of these within just a few pages. While you can't and shouldn't get rid of all of them, make sure you're using as much active voice as possible.

To give you an example of what a difference it makes to clean up these words, below you'll see basically the same sentence, but written without overused words in the second example:

He'd have known it anyway. Fury was something he felt like pure energy coming from it in waves. It was hot and powerful, rolling toward him like heat from a house fire.

***

He'd have known it anyway--he could feel fury as pure energy coming from it in waves, like heat from a house fire.

--Constantine, by John Shirley

Both of these examples say about the same thing. The difference is that the first is written in an unimaginative, overwhelming, passive voice, the second in an active, impacting one that's extremely effective. It's just tighter and clearer to read.

Remove the clutter of unnecessary words as much as possible in your editing and polishing. Do the same for a whole host of careless choices in sentence structure. One culprit that crops up inevitably is the little phrase was going to. In a sentence like "She was going to be strong and independent," the was going to can easily be replaced with would. Or better yet, She'd. The outcome, "She'd be strong and independent," is right to the point without unnecessary words to clutter it up.

• Overused "idea stringers". Replace words like when, as, realized, wondered, occurred, felt, seem, appear, look. These are some of the most overused words in existence because they string ideas together so easily. But if you see them more than once per page, they start to call attention to themselves. As with adverbs, you can't get rid of them all, but you can reword or vary them. One way to handle this situation is to replace these words with more effective words or phrases:

She was greeted by the scent of gingerbread when she stepped into her apartment.

***

The scent of gingerbread greeted her the instant she stepped into her apartment.

We also get rid of that dreaded was in this revision. When can also be replaced with while, once, before/after, as, etc. Another good way to deal with these worn words is to take them out completely, dividing the sentence into two or more sentences instead:

She realized she could have called out to him only after he walked away and turned the corner.

***

He walked away. She watched him in mute shock. Only after he turned the corner did the word "Wait!" fill her throat with violent need.

While the first example is succinct, it reads very slowly and is a bit unfocused. The second version has a lot more impact, putting the reader both in the scene and in the character's viewpoint, as well as eliminating overused words.

• Start with a bang. Avoid sentences that begin with There was/were, It was, They were, He was. They tend to slow things down, and risk putting your reader to sleep. An example of passive construction, and suggested revision follow:

There was no evidence that he had heard her.

***

If he heard her, he gave no indication.

This one is another example of the reader looking through a glass pane at your character versus being with the character. You truly do want your reader with your characters.

• Wilt thou use contractions, or continue to live in the past? I honestly don't know why contractions are an issue, but I've lost count of how many contemporary contest entries and books I've read in which the writer refuses to use contractions (and, yes, that emphasis is important to note because a writer who refuses to use contractions is one who refuses to allow her characters to decide how they will or won't speak). We live in the twenty-first century. Everyone uses contractions in verbal speech, and our written words should reflect that.

Remember that the words you use have an impact on the reader's perceptions of the characters. A character who never uses contractions will come off as stuffy, uptight, and snooty. Besides, using contractions will give your sentences more immediate impact. So please do use contractive forms of had, have, will, etc. as much as you can if you're writing a contemporary story. Check out these examples, with the better ones coming from The Ocean Between Us, by Susan Wiggs:

She had said all those things many times before.

***

She'd said all those things many times before.

She still could not believe she had gone through with it.

***

She still couldn't believe she'd gone through with it.

While editing and polishing, you can easily use a highlighter or the search function of your word-processing program to make sure you don't inadvertently leave a cannot or have not in there. Save contractions for when someone is speaking in dialogue and making a point (possibly in anger) by not using a contraction instead.

Next week, we'll continue with the general revision choices.

Happy writing!

Karen S. Wiesner is the author of Cohesive Story Building, Volume 2 of the 3D Fiction Fundamentals Collection

http://www.writers-exchange.com/3d-fiction-fundamentals-series/

https://karenwiesner.weebly.com/writing-reference-titles.html

Karen Wiesner is an award-winning, multi-genre author of over 150 titles and 16 series.

https://karenwiesner.weebly.com/

http://www.facebook.com/KarenWiesnerAuthor

Karen S. Wiesner: Fiction Fundamentals: Writing Elbow Grease, Part 5D General Revision Choices

Writer's Craft Article

Fiction Fundamentals: Writing Elbow Grease, Part 5D

General Revision Choices

by Karen S. Wiesner

Based on Cohesive Story Building, Volume 2: 3D Fiction Fundamentals Collection

In this three month, in-depth series, we're going to go over what could be considered the grunge work in building a cohesive story. Revising, editing, and polishing require a little or a lot of writing elbow grease to finish the job and bring forth a strong and beautiful book.

In the previous part of this series, we discussed editing and polishing introspection tips. This time we'll go over general revision choices, and we'll continue that for the three weeks. 

Tip Sheet: Effective Revision Choices

• Sentence structures and lengths need to be varied. Like good music needs to have long and short notes, high and low, varying beginnings and endings, a good writer should never allow every sentence to start or flow in exactly the same way. Take the example below:

She needed to make a loaf of bread. She went to the store to make her purchases. She bought bread ingredients. She took her purchases home.

Sounds terrible, doesn't it? I wish I could tell you I don't see this very often, but the horrifying truth is that I see this careless sort of writing from both new and experienced writers. Vary sentence structures and lengths so the lines flow into the ear like music, as in this revised version:

She slammed the cupboard with a grimace.

I'm Old Mother Hubbard. No flour, no yeast. How do you make homemade bread with an empty cupboard?

Sighing, she grabbed her keys. At least the store was just around the corner. And she could get her dog some biscuits while she was at it.

A world better, isn't it? Pay special attention to the way every sentence begins here. There are a million different ways to start a sentence without a pronoun of some kind. Look at the variations in each sentence above, the variety of sentence lengths. When you're editing and polishing, these are exactly the kinds of things you want to fix.

• Does passive voice = boring; active voice = exciting? Most writers will tell you, yes, those equations are absolutely correct. But what exactly are these passive and active voices everyone involved in writing talks about endlessly? In Conflict, Action & Suspense, author William Noble says that "active voice with its direct and straightforward verb use rivets our attention....The passive voice works best to change the pace, to stretch and extend narrative, or to diminish emphasis on action and suspense." Therefore, both passive and active voices are viable, depending on what kind of scene you're writing. An action scene requires an active voice, while a dramatic, emotional scene may call for a passive voice.

What has most authors, publishers, and agents in an uproar concerns the actual words used--are the words active or passive? The most instant form of action is what propels a sentence. Learning to write in an active voice is important to the overall appeal and impact of your story. For instance, here's a paragraph from my romantic comedy novella, "Silver Bells, Wedding Bell," written in the most passive manner possible:

She was racing across the distance between her and the open phone kiosk. Luggage was being knocked over, small children were hurtled in her rush. The men and women who glared at her were side-stepped.

This was revised before publication so it had a much more active voice:

She raced across the distance between her and the open phone kiosk, knocking over luggage, hurtling small children, side-stepping glaring men and women.

How many times did you stumble over the passive use of the words was and were in the first version? Like music, words very much have sounds as a reader reads. The words can flow easily, or they can cause a sort of clumsiness as they're read. That first example above "sounds" very plodding, almost thoughtful, and the reader is really watching the action from a distance--none of conveyed what I hope. The second example reads fast, smooth, but with a punch, and the reader feels the rush and tumble along with the character.

Your editing and polishing needs to weed out these passively, plodding sentences, to be replaced with tight active sentences.

We'll talk about cleaning up the overuse of words like "was" and "were" soon.

• Never tell, always show? Another point that's harped on in writing circles is the necessity of showing, not telling. Showing is very much about creating an immediate scene. The characters are there, and the reader moves along with them. Telling is merely a secondhand report of what happened to the characters in play. While there are certain uses for telling versus showing (i.e., you don't want to write an entire scene to convey a single, small point), you really do have to consider that a story told is very much like a newspaper article--it contains all the facts, none of the emotions. It's dry and often monotonous. Therefore, a story told is one that has nowhere near the compelling, immediate action of a story shown. While I'm not sure if it affected the impact The Friday Night Knitting Club made on readers around the world, since the book turned into an instant bestseller, take a look at the writing style. A lot of the book is told rather than shown, it's almost like short newspaper articles fill most of the scenes. This is a literary fiction leeway that few other genres are allowed.

Unlike books, movies can't tell anything at all--they have to show. Books should be presented in much the same way because each reader forms a "movie" of the story in her head as she's reading. Your choice of active showing is what puts the movie in her head. It's unlikely that a told story will achieve the same effect. Here's an example of telling:

I went upstairs and laid him down on our pallet. I lay down beside him. For a time, his pulse beat fast, his heart pounding. But toward midnight, both faded away. I fell asleep with my baby in my arms for the last time.

While this is a perfectly acceptable means of conveying information if it's necessary to avoid writing a whole scene, the poignant way this scene was shown in Geraldine Brooks's Year of Wonders brought out every bit of heartache and anguish felt by this young, grieving mother who loses her child to the plague:

I crooned to him as I climbed the stairs and laid him down upon our pallet. He lay just as I placed him, his arms splayed limply. I lay down beside him and drew him close. I pretended to myself that he would wake in the wee hours with his usual lusty cry for milk. For a time his little pulse beat fast, his tiny heart pounding. But toward midnight the rhythms became broken and weak and finally fluttered and faded away. I told him I loved him and would never forget him, and then I folded my body around my dead baby and wept until finally, for the last time, I fell asleep with him in my arms.

The first time I read this in context with the rest of the book, I cried. I doubt many would have the same reaction to the told version preceding it.

While editing and polishing, you'll have your final opportunity to change these instances of telling instead of showing. Pump your story full of everything and anything that will get the movie rolling in your reader's mind as he reads.

Next week, we'll continue with the general revision choices.

Happy writing!

Karen S. Wiesner is the author of Cohesive Story Building, Volume 2 of the 3D Fiction Fundamentals Collection

http://www.writers-exchange.com/3d-fiction-fundamentals-series/

https://karenwiesner.weebly.com/writing-reference-titles.html

Karen Wiesner is an award-winning, multi-genre author of over 150 titles and 16 series.

https://karenwiesner.weebly.com/

http://www.facebook.com/KarenWiesnerAuthor

Karen S. Wiesner: Fiction Fundamentals: Writing Elbow Grease, Part 5C Editing and Polishing Introspection Tip Sheet

Writer's Craft Article

Fiction Fundamentals: Writing Elbow Grease, Part 5C

Editing and Polishing Introspection Tip Sheet

by Karen S. Wiesner

Based on Cohesive Story Building, Volume 2: 3D Fiction Fundamentals Collection

In this three month, in-depth series, we're going to go over what could be considered the grunge work in building a cohesive story. Revising, editing, and polishing require a little or a lot of writing elbow grease to finish the job and bring forth a strong and beautiful book.

In the previous part of this series, we discussed editing and polishing dialogue tips. This time we'll go over editing and polishing introspection tips. 

Tip Sheet: Introspection

• Get inside your character's head! The dictionary definition of introspection is "observation or examination of one's own mental and emotional state". By showing a character's introspection, you give the reader the ability to get to know the character from the inside out. A character's behavior in any given situation will both characterize her and create emotion. Hence, behavior and reactions work hand in hand (but they needn't be linear as a rule). Behavior, in essence, is the action, which is almost always followed by a reaction. Working within a specific point of view, follow action with that character's reaction to the behavior. Look at this simplified example from Linda Howard's Cover of Night, with just the behavior-reaction-introspection sequence pulled out:

      Cal reached back under the blanket and put his hand on her hip, silently pulling her even closer to him. (behavior)

Tears stung her eyes as she nestled close, as close as she could get. (reaction)

This--this was what she'd missed most, the quiet companionship in the night, the knowledge that she wasn't alone. She wanted him to hold her, wanted to feel his arms around her. (introspection)

When he'd held her and Neenah after the frightening episode with Mellor, (behavior) for the first time in a long while Cate had felt...safe. (reaction)

Not just because Cal had protected them, though she was bemused to realize that was indeed part of her response; some primitive reactions evidently don't go away. The biggest part of it, though, was that suddenly she hadn't felt so alone. (introspection)

Behavior and reaction almost inevitably lead to introspection. Without introspection, readers will feel as though they're watching your characters through a pane of glass they can't get past. They can see and hear your characters, but rarely will they experience what the characters are going through without effective introspection. Let's take a look at the above example without introspection:

Cal reached back under the blanket and put his hand on her hip, silently pulling her even closer to him.

Tears stung her eyes as she nestled close, as close as she could get.

"Go back to sleep," he whispered softly. "You'll need all the rest you can get."

Below is the published version from Cover of Night. You'll see what a difference it makes to get inside the POV character's head:

Cal reached back under the blanket and put his hand on her hip, silently pulling her even closer to him.

Tears stung her eyes as she nestled close, as close as she could get.

This--this was what she'd missed most, the quiet companionship in the night, the knowledge that she wasn't alone. They hadn't so much as kissed, yet somehow, on some level, they were already linked. She felt it as surely as she knew when the twins were all right, or when they were getting into trouble. She didn't have to see them; she didn't have to hear them; she just knew.

"Go back to sleep," he whispered softly. "You'll need all the rest you can get."

She wanted him to hold her, wanted to feel his arms around her. When he'd held her and Neenah after the frightening episode with Mellor, for the first time in a long while Cate had felt...safe. Not just because Cal had protected them, though she was bemused to realize that was indeed part of her response; some primitive reactions evidently don't go away. The biggest part of it, though, was that suddenly she hadn't felt so alone.

Your story comes to life through introspection in a way that can't be overstressed. It fleshes out characters, settings, and plots.

• Write effectively enough that the reader has the same reaction as the POV character. When editing and polishing sentences, make a much more focused effort to bring the reader directly into the story so she can participate actively. In scenes of intense emotion, if the reader doesn't feel the same reaction as the POV character, you haven't written the scene effectively. Take these examples from Angela Hunt's A Time To Mend (the second being the published version):

Jacquelyn felt a scream rise in her throat, begging for release, but she clamped her lips shut to imprison it.

***

A scream clawed in Jacquelyn's throat, begging for release, but her clamped lips imprisoned it.

While both work well, in the first version, the word felt separates the reader from the character. We're looking at her. In the second version, we're right there with her, feeling the scream clawing its way up her (our) throat while her (our) lips refuse to allow it escape.

Introspection can turn a good story into a suspenseful, moving one. Use your editing and polishing to make sure you've done the very best job you possibly can to make your story a compelling one.

Next week, I'll present the first of four tip sheets covering general revision choices.

Happy writing!

Karen S. Wiesner is the author of Cohesive Story Building, Volume 2 of the 3D Fiction Fundamentals Collection

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Karen Wiesner is an award-winning, multi-genre author of over 150 titles and 16 series.

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