Daily Thanksgiving
by Karen S. Wiesner
“Be curious, not judgmental.” ~Marguerite and Marshall Shearer
I read something recently about a father who'd lost his young daughter. Coming to terms with his grief brought him to a place where he realized that life is a gift. It's not something that's earned, deserved, or that any of us have a right to. It's just there when we're born. The proof of that estimation is that 1), in life, there's nothing that can't be taken away from us, and that, 2) in death, we can't take anything with us. The appropriate response to a gift is gratitude, even if and when that gift is taken away from us. As I'm sure that devastated dad did, the first (and probably the hundredth) reaction was to give up, roll over, and withdraw. Sometimes we're quick to judge a situation we're in--whether it's a tragedy or a reason to celebrate--without giving time the option of altering our outlook in whatever way it will from one second to another.
This made me think about just how much we all judge in the course of a single day. We judge things not only negatively, but also positively and somewhere in-between. Judging is helpless, hapless, habitual, and a form of its own kind of hell because it won't ever end unless we try to change what seems ingrained in every living being on this planet. From the moment we wake up until finally exhausted, we fall asleep, we're continuously judging everything inside, outside, and all around us.
We judge how we're feeling from one moment to the next as if our estimation determines the rest of the day, the rest of the year, or the rest of our lives. (What a testimony for not making quick decisions about anything we're going through!)
We judge our dreams, our aspirations, what we eat, what we drink, what we read, the state of the weather, our wardrobe, our appearance, our own height and weight and everyone else's, our jobs (or lack therefore) and hobbies, our interactions with other living beings (including loved ones, pets, plants, strangers), our living arrangements, our bank accounts, our exercise or refusal to workout, our politics, our internet connection, our selected news reports and everything else happening in the world.
We judge ourselves and everyone around us whether a presence is physical, over the phone, via an email, on TV or social media, or through a window to the neighbor's house or the street.
What would it be like to live life without this kind of constant, relentless, ruthless, impulsive judging that all too often causes us to become mired in something toxic? It's really not even imaginable that we could prevent judging, is it? This activity is as natural to us as breathing.
One thing within our power to do is realize that life in the sense of everything can be a gift that we didn't earn, we don't deserve, and we don't have a right to. I'm not sure about you, but that's a humbling thought that makes me take a breath and even a step backwards. There's nothing that can't be taken away from us in this life and we can't take anything with us when we die. In this way, is it possible to simply accept things as they come and go and view them all as experiences that shape us, hopefully for the better? Even pain could prove to be a gift if viewed the right way--after all, there's no better way to grow and evolve than with hardships that may wreck or leave us numb but could also refine and renew us. The bitter truth is frequently more welcome and illuminating than sweet deception. Darkness makes us appreciate the balm of light. A bird's eye view of death can close and suffocate us but sometimes it opens the panorama that is and can be life as we know it.
As humans, we're going to judge. That's a given. But mindfully forcing ourselves to perceive all the gifts we're given from one moment to the next can determine our own attitudes going forward in these minutes that make up our short lives. Find a way to be grateful for the things that make up your day-to-day, including the things you've lost, because all we'll ever have is this time to exist and experience, good and bad, what life has to offer.
Breakfast cereal may not be a Thanksgiving turkey with all the fixing's, but it's food, you need it to survive, and, hey, you got a whole box of it sitting in your kitchen, maybe even the kind with little marshmallows in it. Not everyone can say that.
Your job may not be one you've always hoped for, but it's probably better than not having one at all. You may not have chosen to work with those particular people but, don't forget, when COVID was ruling all our lives only a few years ago, we would have been ecstatic to see those same people because it meant we were out in the world, interacting instead of merely surviving in hollow isolation. Our kids wanted to go to school during that time but were forbidden to. I don't know about you, but I never, ever want to go back to the state of a half-life where vital connections could equally mean hope to get through another day or week just as well as cause the spread of something we wouldn't wish on anyone.
You may have lost something you loved and couldn't hold onto. But it was in your life for however long, and you got to know it and love it. While you're alive, those memories will always be yours, complete with the laughter that now puts tears in your eyes; the fun that, at the time, made it feel like it could never end; and the deep richness of intimacy with another human being that made you feel alive and that you would have said was worth anything (even eventual loss) to have if for only one moment. Remember that. Don't ever let it go. It was a gift, and it was worth anything to hold as long as you did.
Judging everything is just what we do as human beings. We may or may not have any control of that aspect, but it is within our grasp to find vantage points that allow us to be grateful for the experiences we've been granted all around us, some dressed up in the guise of things we may initially think we don't care for. I encourage you to try to make it through a whole day actively looking for hidden gifts littered all along your path and find a way to see them as boons. Whether or not you actually make it for long, try to extend it into the next day and the next. Daily thanksgiving can grow into a habit. Ritual judging in all its extremes may become the route to finding unexpected treasures that bring profound and enduring joy in an often heartless world.
Karen Wiesner is an award-winning,
multi-genre author of over 150 titles and 16 series.
Visit her website here: https://karenwiesner.weebly.com/
and https://karenwiesner.weebly.com/karens-quill-blog
Find out more about her books and see her art here: http://www.facebook.com/KarenWiesnerAuthor
Visit her publisher here: https://www.writers-exchange.com/Karen-Wiesner/
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