An alien's view of make-up and human health care

Greetings, my brother.

There is no point in asking whether or not you are in good health, and obliging you to reply. By the time your reply reached me, your answer would be several cycles old.

I'm on a planet called "earth" by the sentient species of animals with whom I've communicated. "Earth" means "dirt" or "soil" to them. Illogically, this planet consists mostly of water (salt water).  I digress. This is a distracting environment.

No doubt, you remember our discussion about the question, "Do wild animals mutilate themselves?" We thought that the answer was that animals only mutilate themselves if demented by boredom or stress, perhaps in captivity. We don't include defensive shedding of tails or other appendages as a means of distracting a predator.

Well, brother. I've found an exception to our rule. I haven't figured out what causes these animals to mutilate themselves, and their offspring, and their companion animals. In some cases, they seem to find it attractive in spite of the practical drawbacks.

For instance, in stressful urban settings, they take colored inks and powered needles, and stab themselves until words or images are "tattooed" (as they call it) permanently on their skin. This is not a punishment for criminal activity, as you might expect. I could understand it if antisocial individuals had a warning of their bad habits written on their faces or arms. Instead, animals appear to pay other animals to torture and mark them.

This can be monotonous. Greater variety can be achieved through the messy daily application of colored paints and powders and grease. These chemicals often contain poisons and carcinogens. Nevertheless, some working animals, mostly females, are forced as a condition of "employment" to smear these poisons on their faces and are often expected to pay for their own care if and when the poisons cause illnesses. "Employment" is what these animals do to obtain tokens which they exchange for food and other necessities.

To digress again, this payment for health care business doesn't strike me as fair or reasonable. There are exceptions, of course, but there are no penalties for self-induced problems. That baffles me.

The prudent, abstemious, provident and healthy are forced to pay for the care of the wasteful and self-destructive, as well as for the unfortunate who might deserve help. Thus, some animals spend all their discretionary income on liquid pleasures, or expensive things to chew, or stinking weeds to burn in their mouths, or on dangerous sex. Then, when their lifestyle catches up on them (or on their mates and offspring), they cannot pay for the care they need to restore them to health. So, others who have not spent all their money on sick-making habits, are forced to pay for their fellows. If they object, they are savagely punished and impoverished.

On our world, we'd expect this sort of stupidity to lead to social unrest, wouldn't we, brother? But on our world, the healthy outnumber the sick. It's the reverse on this earth.

This will shock you. If these animals don't know what a certain body part is for (or don't like what it's for), they will go to great expense and trouble to cut it off or out... parts of the gut, organs in the throat, even parts of their genitalia!

I've heard, but have not yet found a way to eyewitness this, that there's a very large country where they routinely cut off part of a newborn male child's positor which they consider superflouous and unattractive. This cruel procedure is done without pain remediation, and the child suffers agonies. Later in life, the positor is not as sensitive as it ought to be, adult males require drugs. Some of these drugs, I hear, are not without unpleasant side effects.

Ludicrously, after all this suffering and trouble, the results of the cosmetic surgery are seldom displayed. Even when in use, the positor is covered in a thin synthetic glove. When I find out why they bother, I will let you know! That is not the most unnecessary of surgeries, but it is one of the most routine, and is one of the few that is forced upon a baby animal that cannot consent to it.

Captured, display and companion animals cannot consent. Some have parts of their tails hacked off. Others have parts of their ears cut off. Some types with sharp, retractable claws have their claws pulled out by force so that they cannot defend themselves.

This is a dangerous and illogical world, my brother. Fortunately for us, our mind control abilities are effective. The most intelligent and dangerous animals are relatively easy to brainwash.

I'll write again when I have something interesting to share.

Your brother,
Thor-quentin.